may or may not be based on real events

(QUE LAW AND ORDER THEME)

(NARRATOR VOICE) In San Francisco amongst gay men, some of them are single. and dating. poor bastards. and sometimes their behavior is particularly heinous. These are their stories.

(LAW AND ORDER CHIME: DUH DUH)

SCENE: BILL’S APARTMENT

“Before I forget I wanted to show you something.” Mike said reaching into his backpack.

He pulled out a small bottle and set it on the coffee table.

“This bottle is going to change your life. You see I’ve found this amazing age-defying health drink based on the amazing cleansing power of the acai berr-”

(FLASHBACK)

I was lost in the daydream of what had been up to this point, the perfect first date. We went out to dinner at my favorite Indian place. We traded stories about coming out and moving to San Francisco. We flirted with our hands and stared at each other in that unique way people do on the first date.

(BACK TO SCENE)

“Whoa. wait. are you multilevel marketing me on a date?”

“no, but if we’re going to date you need to understand how important this superfood is to your well being.”

“seriously?”

(FLASHBACK)

I’d spent the entire week before cleaning my apartment and putting everything in the perfect place. We’d gone for a walk after dinner and he’d agreed to come back to my place for a while. He was gorgeous, muscular, educated, and eyes I could stare into forever.

(BACK TO SCENE)

During my daydream, he reached into his backpack, pulling out a brochure. “I have some studies here that show how much acai berry can -”

“You are seriously trying to peddle me superfood juice on our first date?”

“Don’t you care about your health and well being?”

“Yes, I absolutely do”

“well then…”

“I think it’s best for my health and wellness if you pack up and leave.”

“but -”

“Let me show you to the door, I’m so pissed right now I’m worrying for your personal safety, it’s really for the best.”

The door clicked shut on my apartment and I listened as he walked down the stairs and out the front door.

“Well that was fucked,” I said derisively to myself,

My phone beeped an alert, “Let me know if you want to talk about it another time.”

I hand slid over the delete key as I walked myself to the liqour cabinet for a nice strong gin and tonic.

(LAW AND ORDER CHIME: DUH DUH)