branoriffic

“That is so gross.”

“What?”

“That cereal”

“You say ‘that cereal’ like it’s a committed a crime or something.”

“it has. Against good taste. I mean look at it. it’s so …… branny.”

“Bran happens to be good for you – and accepting criticism from someone about cereal when their choices include sugar smacks, cinnamon toast crack and chocolate cheerios, is somewhat suspect.”

“This would be great if were about me, but if you refer to the chart on the refrigerator it is only about me on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, and today is Wednesday. Which, ” he said, over-dramatically looking over his shoulder at the fridge,” is…… oh look. it’s about you today! You and your bowl of branoriffic kitty litter.”

“I eat bran cereal because there are two choices: bloated me or regular me. and bloated me doesn’t sleep well, therefore hogging the covers, and bloated unhappy me ends up watching way too much Project Runway All Stars. Nobody wants that. Nobody.”