Don’t give me that adorable makes-me-weak-in-the-knees Ginger Power Pout™

I’m onto you gingers.

No, seriously.

My resolution is to no longer be under your spell. The ginger that makes my morning latte no longer gets the extra 2% ‘holy hell, he’s ginger hot’ tip. The ginger mechanic will not make me take time off from work so I can pick up the car while he’s still at the garage. The ginger at the gym won’t see me changing my workout routine so I can watch him the entire hour and a half I’m at the gym. He’ll probably appreciate that since I hear he’s straight.

Don’t give me that adorable makes-me-weak-in-the-knees Ginger Power Pout™. That is sooooo last year.

Nope.

Not.

Going.

To.

Work.

I am done pivoting on my toes like a puppy every time one of you crosses my path. I mean, I’m going out of my way to gawk and stare at 14% of the population when there is the other 86% that in some cases I’m just flat-out ignoring. In 2014, I’ll turn off the red-hair filter on all my internet searches and seek the beauty in other men out there.

I’m going to actually go on a date with someone with a dark tan or a lovely Middle Eastern tone. I’m actually going to be able to spend all day out in the sun without carrying a bottle of SPF90,000 in my pack to reapply on you every 30 minutes.

Watch out 86%, here I come!