MFFIT

“Welcome to MFFit, how can I help you?”

“Yeah – I saw you guys had opened and figured I’d come in for a tour, and see what you have to offer.”

“Bitchin'”, barked the man behind the counter, “One of our awesome trainers ‘ll be up in a minute.”

That’s when his eye caught the name badge of the counterperson. It read “Fuck You, I’m Bill.” Then he realized everything in the place was laden with curse words. Reminders about putting weights back read, “Really, Bitch? Put the fucking weights back when you are done.” One sign near the ellipticals and treadmills read, “Wipe down the equipment when you’ve sweat all over the fucking place. Seriously, shithead, nobody wants to workout in your funk.” While areas of the gym were labeled, “Fuckin’ Legs, Bitchin’ Backs, You Call that a Chest, Shithead?, and “Stretch or Fuckin’ Die.”

Turning his view back to the counter, he decided to ask.

“Um. I’m sorry but why does your name badge say “fuck you”?”

“Here at Mother Fuckin’ Fitness, our founders realized that everyone was coming to the gym and cursing under their breath, and at Mother Fuckin’ Fitness, people are encouraged to express themselves at the gym no matter how negatively they do so. and that attitude starts with the staff and “fuck you” is where it all starts. It’s totally bitchin’ – and people see real goddamn results. And it helps people bond. Nobody really likes bullshit like leg day or jesus christ, nobody actually likes bullshit like aerobics, ” he boasted, “So here at MFF you don’t have to pretend that your pumped up, just get the fucking workout done and get the fuck out. We just believe that this fitness shit should just get real. Sure it’s different than other gyms, but who needs their dog vomit anyhow.”

“Really?”

“Do I look like I’d waste your fuckin’ time, asshole?,” he said smiling and then suddenly changing tone, “oh good, here’s James for your tour.”