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Mutual of Omaha's Wild...

turtle

They sat on the couch together, wrapped on in a blanket watching tv.

"Leatherback sea turtle males enter the sea as a child, they will never return to land, " the documentary explained.

"Wow, imagine being born into a world with the crush of gravity - and then leaving it almost immediately to be in the three D world of the ocean for the rest of your life. Never knowing a sunny beach as a male sea turtle."

"leatherback turtles return to the region where they hatched to mate and nest.", said the soft british narrator.

"I wonder if they all become gay once they are back in the water."

His husband hit the mute button.

"Gay? and how do you come up with this amazing scientific thought, Jacque Cousteau?"

"well - it says that even the lady turtles only come on land once a year to nest and leave eggs."

"so if they're all gay - where do the eggs get fertilized?"

"no - what I meant is - for a month a year - they all becoming heterosexual - through some hormonal change - return to where they were born, fuck everything in sight - then go back to hanging with their homo homies for the rest of the year."

"homo. homies. you frighten me. so you know human sex doesn't work that way right?"

"omg no. I am a gold star gay - no vag badge all the way. i wonder if nature creates a mad flush of gay hormones back into the turtles after mating season makes them FORGET THEY EVER HAD HETEROSEX! Wow, I'm brilliant!

But, honey, I'm more worried about all these parentless little leatherbacks who head to the sea with no mommy or daddy to guide them.

What if a shark is waiting off shore in a feeding frenzy. they'd be better on the beach - under little umbrellas with mai tais instead of in the mean dangerous ocean."

"um. wow. hormones to make male turtles forget they had straight sex? you are not well.", he said unmuting the television.

"The most predominant threats to leatherback sea turtles occur on nesting beaches. Coastal development has reduced the area where they can successfully nest, dogs and other animals often destroy their nests, and people harvest their eggs for food. Naturally, only one or two of thousands of eggs will make it to adulthood." said the narrator.

"I'm beginning to think I'm glad i'm not a sea turtle. gay or straight."

"amen sister. now shush and let me enjoy the program."

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