new voices: 99 problems

Sometimes a murder is on your mind for so long you imagine it every way. Such primal fury and passion, with a dash of luck. But before you put your Poirot and Jessica Fletcher proof plan into glorious action, how to do it? You could pay someone else – but everyone with cable TV knows how well that goes. The busted dumbass check writer (who pays for murder with a personal check?). Not Venmo either. How about cash. Jesus! Then you are on the six o’clock news with that “What happened, how did this not go my way” look as you are lowered into the police cruiser. You’re angry, not stupid. You can inflict pain yourself, throw them from a balcony so high in the air that they are dead from a heart attack before their body hits the street. Or you could poison them – research how much poison would be untraceable or symptomatic of some other disease, then watch your prey disintegrate in front of you slowly. but so many things can go wrong… there you are, wiping shit and drool from a slowly dying victim for two years. Who has the patience for that? No!

The thought never leaves your mind until that one moment, when you are standing over the dying body, lost in watching their life drain away. Remember to smile for a moment. Oh, how you’ve earned that moment! By the time your emotional victory is finished, your prey is absolutely and completely gone. Savor that. You walk out of the room and look back at the corpse, singing back to it, “99 problems, and bitch ain’t one”…

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The 150 words a day project is a daily writing exercise inspired by the ‘morning pages’ in Julia Cameron’s “The Artists Way”. They are a writing exercise in setting a scene – and for the next several – – speaking in a voice that is not my own. I post them because they provide lots of great feedback but if my subject line gets less romantic, less grounded – – it is because I’m experimenting with some new voices.