new voices: surety

The reasons I left are immaterial but it strikes me strange that nobody has asked me why I’ve returned.  Once they figure it out it’ll all be finished anyway.

Therapists, the armchair psychiatrist – they will tell you that you can choose who your family is. While I suppose that’s true, your original parents and siblings create you to a great extent. They create the first glorious, delicious moment where you go from loving to compassionless in seconds. The moment you can’t choose to look away from.

They say when someone commits suicide they’ve reached a point of no return. When stepping in front of a train easily makes more sense than anything else. In a way, I can be glad for them, for their suffering is over in an instant. For me, a great many others will have to know suffering before salvation is mine. A surety, a selfishness I learned from the people who will suffer the most. They look away – but if they mistakenly stop and let the breeze come between us, they will suddenly become all too aware of what I am.

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The 150 words a day project is a daily writing exercise inspired by the ‘morning pages’ in Julia Cameron’s “The Artists Way”. They are a writing exercise in setting a scene – and for the next several – – speaking in a voice that is not my own. I post them because they provide lots of great feedback but if my subject line gets less romantic, less grounded – – it is because I’m experimenting with some new voices.